New Year’s in November

This morning, fall pushed air into my lungs like it was some turtlenecked lifeguard come to save me. There was rain. There was thunder. There was lightning. And as my soul came back from its summer death, the weather seemed to loom over me shouting, “she’s alive….she’s aliiiiiiiiiiiive!” It was wonderful. I wore rain boots […]

It’s (Not) a Trap

I suppose this whole “restarting the blog” thing has been a long time coming. Now that I’ve opened the door, stuff keeps on coming out of me. It’s probably a good thing. *Insert joke about how counseling is probably a good thing too.* I’ll keep this one brief. Last night was a good night. Trev and I went on […]

Shady’s Back

Coming to you live from the well-established butt imprint on my couch. I’m wearing designer day-three hair, perfumed with coffee breath. I was supposed to “get ready for the day” an hour ago when I put Stevie down for her nap. But I was too tired. I was also supposed to come up with a […]

Eleven

This has nothing to do with Eggo waffles and nosebleeds. This has everything to do with God being a world-class (galaxy-class?) showoff. You heard me. A showoff. If you follow along, you’ll remember we got some bad news in January. If this is your first time here, welcome! I don’t have any cookies for you, […]

Hello Maker

Last Sunday was Opposite Day. Uptempo music, people dancing on stage, hands lifted, streamers falling in rainbow cascades from the ceiling. It was a celebration of celebrations. I watched it from the front row. Not participating but practicing my poker face. It was joy-loaded worship all around me and I was sneaking tears and clenching […]

People

It started in Cleveland. The demolition of my latest idea that I didn’t like being around people. Because they “didn’t get it.” And because I started to assume the rest of my social life would be an awkward dance of well-intended but terribly executed stabs at encouragement. You’re young. You have all the time in […]

The Vanishing Act

The minute we crossed west over the California border I felt it. Dread. Exhaustion. Coming home from our trip meant coming home to decisions. What to do with the endometrial-looking cyst in my only ovary. What measures to take for fertility. And the question in my head: How much longer can I do this? New […]

To Hold a Sandwich

Two days ago, I felt a sense of camaraderie with a total stranger. She was a waitress at a bistro in Bowling Green, Ohio and it happened when she brought me my bun-less burger. “Are you gluten free?” I told her I was and she asked if I knew how many gluten free things they […]

Shark Shadows

The morning after my last post, I woke up remembering the decisions waiting for me back in California. Then a pain spike followed (as if on cue) and the two things were enough to knock me out. I fell straight into the dead zone. Three hours into the melancholy morning my mom texted me. “Hey, […]

Take a Walk

Chronic pain, acne, hair loss, cysts, fertility issues. Those are the physical manifestations of what I’ve got. Those things out of my control. The mental game, though, I’ve got a choice in that. While I don’t have a say in when the anxiety comes on or when the depression decides to sucker punch me, I […]