Brain-Breaker

Murphy’s Law.

“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

I’m having one of those days today. Lot’s of people do–I’m not one of those special cases of woe. It’s just happening to me today and I’ve gotta write about it or else I’m just going to lay in bed and sob into my imaginary Ben & Jerry’s.

I’m truly thankful for the crazy encouragement I’ve been surrounded with & the peace God has given me & the trust I’m really starting to put into action, but some days still sorta suck. My therapist said days like this are to be expected–days when my response to struggle won’t be “it’s okay, there are worse things” or “but I’m happy because___.”

This morning, on top of chronic pain, I woke up with a virus and the really painful beginnings of an eye infection. Seriously?

I know that’s not a huge deal but when your threshold pretty much goes entirely to dealing with your pain every day, things like eye infections and viruses are brain-breakers. I’m over here thinking “isn’t endometriosis enough?” And I’m trying to finish my last semester of college early and still pass all my classes. AND my doctors have to take me off my pain killers in a little over a week.

I don’t really need a virus right now, thank you.

But here it is and it’s happening and I sorta want to cry about it. Some days are just hard–borderline “the worst” and that’s okay. The trick (if you have any other questions let me know–because I totally have this all figured out–not) is not letting stuff like this stick. I have to watch myself so that I don’t walk straight into a mopey pit of doom. I can’t let myself go down the whole “terrible things” list.

The other better trick is Jesus. I think it’s really cool that He wants me to be real with Him. He hand-crafted the galaxy. Taking my flea-sized “honesty-bombs” must be nothing to him. On the other hand, they’re so finite and He still cares. A lot. And I’m pretty super positive He’s the only reason I’ve gotten through this so far.

Here’s Psalm 103:1-5

 O my soul, come, praise the Eternal
    with all that is in me—body, emotions, mind, and will—every part of who I am—
    praise His holy name.
 O my soul, come, praise the Eternal;
    sing a song from a grateful heart;
    sing and never forget all the good He has done.
 Despite all your many offenses, He forgives and releases you.
    More than any doctor, He heals your diseases.
 He reaches deep into the pit to deliver you from death.
    He crowns you with unfailing love and compassion like a king.
 When your soul is famished and withering,
    He fills you with good and beautiful things, satisfying you as long as you live.
    He makes you strong like an eagle, restoring your youth.

Pretty gnarly.

A command to the soul to praise God with everything no matter what. DANG-A-RANG that is so hard to do sometimes. But i just reread that sentence and decided it really shouldn’t be. Every freaking day He gets me through. Literally every day He shows me over and over again why He’s King of the Universe and what not.

And I’m over here whining like “wah this sucks.” I have nothing to worry about, nothing to fear (not even the fourteen days of no pain killers). Why?

I will be fine because I am the daughter of the Ruler of the Galaxy and I am particularly and radically loved. 

He’s got me dead-locked in His life-making hands. Can I seriously doubt even for one second His desire and ability to get me through?

(The answer is no in case you’re still here wondering about it.)

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