#holla

Today I was supposed to go to Yosemite to spend a last few hours with my best friend running (well, walking) around in the park’s gigantic beauty before we said “see you in five weeks” and parted ways.

Guess where I ended up instead? The ER. Duh.

I’m not gonna put on this show and say to anybody right now, “but hey I’m stoked because…” Nope. Not stoked. Not right now and that’s okay. I prefer honesty & I get the feeling Jesus prefers honesty too. So, yeah, this feels pretty lame. Instead of Yosemite and wonder, today’s goodbye was a rushed “I’ll miss you” and an “I’ll be praying for you.” And I just sat there tearing up while my first five weeks of really being here–away from everybody & my old home–began in the bland confines of an ER waiting room.

My doctor suspects I’m bleeding internally. When I called and told her my symptoms she told me to get to a hosptal. 

“Is this a today thing?” I asked.

She said yes.

I’ve been here for 8 hours now. No joke. Still in the waiting room. And to be real, I’m having a hard time in this moment finding any crumbs of joy in this shindig. I’m 5 days out from surgery. Can we be done with the complications? 

I am really, super duper tired.