“Does anything inspire you?”
I swirled my fork around the broccoli on my plate.
“Not right now.”
Michaela is one of those friends I feel like I can be completely raw with. Like one of the select few who could ask, “How are you doing? ” and get an honest, yucky response out of me.
I’m awful. My hair is falling out, I have more acne than a teen in the throws of puberty, the pain’s getting worse (again), my hormones just leapt off the high dive, depression is pulling up a chair and getting cozy, and don’t get me started on the baby thing.
That run-on sentence is a deliciously image-packed way to say: I’m not well.
Not well at all.
Endometriosis is not just a physical pain game. It’s a full-fledged war on the mind too. Chronic anything comes with so, so much. The hopes, the letdowns, the gnawing ugly fears. Feeling like you’re trapped inside a broken body that you hate. Watching this invisible monster wrap its sickly hands around every aspect of your life…etc.
I’ll be going on my fourth year now, and I have to be honest with you. I’m at a real low. “Surviving,” essentially.
If you’ve followed along thus far, you’ll see usually when I want to roll over and die, something cool tends to happen. Something that effectively pulls my head out of my butt and reminds me that Endometriosis does not get to ruin my life if I don’t give it permission. I get pumped up with a little extra hope. (This is usually thanks to Jesus, Trev, family, or friends.)
This particular time, hope took the form of a project (appropriately inspired by Michaela’s inspiration question).
This project is called, Survival Thrills.
If you deal with anything chronic, by now I’m sure you’ve scrounged up a pretty good list of things that help you cope. Positive things. Awesome things. Quirky things. Things to help you survive.
So – like – what if we made survival fun?
It’s great to reflect and talk and whatever, but its also great to DO STUFF.
I want to open up the floor: (1) What are you surviving/slaying on the daily? (2) What rad outlet(s) have you found that help you stay positive through the hellish lows?
For example: “My grandma just taught me how to knit. I’m knitting a dope scarf for my mom instead of drowning myself in SyFy and whisky and self-loathing.” OR “I like hiking when I feel depressed because fresh air is awesome and there’s nothing like the thrill of seeing a bear to make you forget your worries.”
My big plan: to have a good time, kick around encouragement like a beach ball at a Katy Perry concert, and see what happens. Word? Word.
Spoiler: I’m going to kick off this series with a blog about pain killer that doesn’t kill you back. Then the next few posts will be guests blogs / interviews with some stellar lady friends who cope in real cool ways.
After that, well, we’ll just have to see how the cookie crumbles.
Welcome to #SurvivalThrills, friends.
You. Gots. This.