It’s (Not) a Trap

I suppose this whole “restarting the blog” thing has been a long time coming. Now that I’ve opened the door, stuff keeps on coming out of me. It’s probably a good thing. *Insert joke about how counseling is probably a good thing too.* I’ll keep this one brief. Last night was a good night. Trev and I went on […]

Shady’s Back

Coming to you live from the well-established butt imprint on my couch. I’m wearing designer day-three hair, perfumed with coffee breath. I was supposed to “get ready for the day” an hour ago when I put Stevie down for her nap. But I was too tired. I was also supposed to come up with a […]

Eleven

This has nothing to do with Eggo waffles and nosebleeds. This has everything to do with God being a world-class (galaxy-class?) showoff. You heard me. A showoff. If you follow along, you’ll remember we got some bad news in January. If this is your first time here, welcome! I don’t have any cookies for you, […]

Hello Maker

Last Sunday was Opposite Day. Uptempo music, people dancing on stage, hands lifted, streamers falling in rainbow cascades from the ceiling. It was a celebration of celebrations. I watched it from the front row. Not participating but practicing my poker face. It was joy-loaded worship all around me and I was sneaking tears and clenching […]

People

It started in Cleveland. The demolition of my latest idea that I didn’t like being around people. Because they “didn’t get it.” And because I started to assume the rest of my social life would be an awkward dance of well-intended but terribly executed stabs at encouragement. You’re young. You have all the time in […]

The Vanishing Act

The minute we crossed west over the California border I felt it. Dread. Exhaustion. Coming home from our trip meant coming home to decisions. What to do with the endometrial-looking cyst in my only ovary. What measures to take for fertility. And the question in my head: How much longer can I do this? New […]

To Hold a Sandwich

Two days ago, I felt a sense of camaraderie with a total stranger. She was a waitress at a bistro in Bowling Green, Ohio and it happened when she brought me my bun-less burger. “Are you gluten free?” I told her I was and she asked if I knew how many gluten free things they […]

Shark Shadows

The morning after my last post, I woke up remembering the decisions waiting for me back in California. Then a pain spike followed (as if on cue) and the two things were enough to knock me out. I fell straight into the dead zone. Three hours into the melancholy morning my mom texted me. “Hey, […]

Take a Walk

Chronic pain, acne, hair loss, cysts, fertility issues. Those are the physical manifestations of what I’ve got. Those things out of my control. The mental game, though, I’ve got a choice in that. While I don’t have a say in when the anxiety comes on or when the depression decides to sucker punch me, I […]

Survival Thrills

“Does anything inspire you?” I swirled my fork around the broccoli on my plate. “Not right now.” Michaela is one of those friends I feel like I can be completely raw with. Like one of the select few who could ask, “How are you doing? ” and get an honest, yucky response out of me. […]